What prevents us from having confidence? What gifts are available to us when we have confidence? Let’s first discuss what can get in the way of being confident. Here are a few challenges that do battle with our self-confidence.
- Not knowing or living our values
- Not being in touch with our life purpose
- Judging ourselves and others
- Struggling with saboteurs
We will start with what it means to live in our values. Each of us has a unique set of values that is ours alone.
It’s like our emotional DNA.
We can all have a value of compassion but one may have the combination of compassion, fun, family, work and balance.
That combination makes up one person’s value system.
We each have our own “recipe” of values.
Discovering what those values are and learning to function through the lens of those values can take some work.
It’s rewarding work because living this way brings confidence, security and empowerment.
Relationships can flourish when we show up and allow them to experience the real us.
It creates deep connections.
It’s a way to be completely ourselves versus trying to please others to receive their approval. When we have the ultimate approval, our own, we don’t have to pretend or force connections.
In our work if we are at a company whose values are not in alignment with ours it can cause stress and strain. We find we have to put our values aside in order to grow in the company.
How then are you being your true self?
How confident can you be in what you are doing when it isn’t who you really are? Your life purpose is also unique to you and can change and grow over time but at this very moment there is a reason we are here.
It’s not for more peace, it’s not for that promotion, it’s not for being a good mom, it’s not for getting healthy. What is it for? It’s for the world around us.
What do we bring to the world?
How do we make the world a better place? What does God (or whomever we worship) want us to be doing?
These things can give us the results of more health, better parenting, more peace, that promotion and so much more. But knowing our place and being in alignment with our values and our life purpose is how we contribute to others.
And now that pesky subject: Judging ourselves and others.
I will be discussing saboteurs soon but the saboteur that runs the show is Judge. The Judge is a part of ourselves that developed at a very young age.
It gives us negative opinions of ourselves and others. It tells us we are not good enough. It tells us something someone else did was not good enough. It compares us to others, and others to us. It blocks compassion, curiosity, innovation, love, understanding …. the list goes on and on and on.
How do we calm our judge?
The judge in us will never completely go away. We can recognize it, we can tame it, and we can give it a much smaller place in our lives. How do we do this?
I work with a modality called Positive Intelligence which is rooted in extensive research and neuroscience that I find very effective.
Working with a coach who is trained in Positive Intelligence is a great way to see the judge playing a much smaller role in your life so there can be more room for your beautiful, positive character traits to shine.
Other saboteurs exist in our life that work with the judge.
These saboteurs are often parts of ourselves that were created during challenging and difficult situations. They may have served us during that time but they do not serve us now.
An example is if one was neglected and not fed healthy or regular meals as a child. This can create an “I’m starving” saboteur. That saboteur will continually need to be fed. Later, as an adult, when meals are more easily acquired, this “I’m starving” saboteur will always want to over eat or not choose healthy options, creating weight and health issues.
Working with that saboteur can help us to function in a healthier way bt resolving the constant
need to over eat. There are many saboteurs running around in our heads and our hearts, getting in the way of us standing in our values, believing in ourselves, and ultimately destroying our confidence.
Discovering our saboteurs and letting them go or redefining their roles, can also occur through life coaching. In this type of coaching, we go to the moment this part of us was created, and let it go so we are no longer ruled by the saboteur.
It sounds daunting but a loving, nurturing, bold and courageous coach can help you make great changes in this area. Now we get to the good part!
What gifts does having confidence give you?
- Defining clear boundaries
- Being present
- Being bold and courageous
Having healthy and strong confidence we can establish healthy boundaries in our life with clarity and compassion.
Coming from a place of love for ourselves and others and being clear is the kindest gift you can give a relationship. Dr. Brene Brown quotes “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind”.
It’s important to have this clarity without harshness, cruelty or demands. It’s simply about being so comfortable with yourself and your values that you can communicate your needs and limits with ease and most importantly love.
Being present is about living in this moment.
Not the past, not the future but right now. Confidence in relationships is gained by having real experiences with each other, listening to each other and being present with them.
Moments with another person can never be repeated. Each moment is unique. Being present allows you to fully experience each moment to the fullest. To live with boldness and courage we can ask:
What are we passionate about?
What can we not live without?
Who inspires us?
What gets us out of bed in the morning?
What stops us?
What keeps us awake at night?
Exploring these questions can give us insight into removing the roadblocks that hinder us from being bold and courageous. Strong confidence allows us to answer these and work with them so that we can have the fuller life in ways we can’t even imagine.
There are blessings and gifts that are available to us if only we take the time to do the inner work and not be afraid to dive into the parts of ourselves we ignore. Ignoring them only makes them stronger and more uncontrolled.
Lastly, and most beautifully, strong confidence gifts us with living in pure authenticity. It comes from not only being in the moment but by creating strong connections, awareness and acceptance for ourself and others. This could easily be considered one of the greatest gifts of strong confidence.
Authenticity is a byproduct that results from functioning through the lens of your values, standing and living in your purpose, and not letting your saboteurs run the show. I welcome you to join me in the journey to strong and long-lasting confidence.
What would you do with this one beautiful life if nothing was in your way?
You would be a confident and courageous YOU.
Renee Nash, CPCC, ACC is a Leadership Coach that comes from deep in the trenches. She spent 25 years in dysfunctional corporate positions where she then went on to support and thrive in an Executive Coaching company for 10 years as Director of Operations.
Now certified and trained through Co-Active Training Institute, International Coach Federation, Leadership Circle Profile, Dr. Bréne Brown – Dare to Lead and Positive Intelligence she coaches individuals with courage and compassion. She understands self-induced obstacles, challenging cultures, toxic management styles and sabotaging behaviors. She longs to help others live in their true beautiful selves.
You can connect with Renee through her website at: www.kralliancecoaching.com She is currently accepting clients.